Home » Why Being a Horse in Red Dead Redemption 2 is a Digital Nightmare

Why Being a Horse in Red Dead Redemption 2 is a Digital Nightmare

ZaneMercer May 2, 2025 Comments Closed 0 like

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Rockstar Games created what are arguably the most impressive virtual horses gaming has ever seen in Red Dead Redemption 2. With those picture perfect animations, that intricate bonding system, and yes, those anatomically correct testicles that actually respond to temperature changes (weird flex, Rockstar, but you do you), these digital dobbins are technological marvels.

But have you ever paused mid gallop and thought, “Damn, my horse is living through actual hell right now”? Because while we’re busy living our best yeehaw lives, these four legged friends are basically starring in their own personal horror movie directed by our terrible decision making. Let’s saddle up and trot through the horrifying reality of being Arthur Morgan’s trusty steed in a world that seems precisely designed to kill horses in the most spectacular ways possible.

Your Life is Literally Meaningless

Let’s start with the existential crisis every Red Dead 2 horse must face: complete and utter expendability. The average player goes through horses faster than Arthur goes through tuberculosis induced coughing fits.

Did you know there are 19 different horse breeds in the game with multiple coat variations? Why so many? Because Rockstar KNOWS you’re going to get your loyal companion killed and need replacements. And when that happens, you’ll spend about five minutes mourning before immediately finding a new “best friend.”

One moment you’re the beloved Tennessee Walker that’s been with Arthur since the beginning of the game, and the next you’re being traded in for an Arabian that some player found in the wild because it had slightly better stats. Talk about loyalty.

And let’s get real about that bonding system. Players don’t brush your mane and feed you premium hay because they care about your equine wellbeing. They’re just grinding for those sweet Level 4 bonding perks. That’s not love, that’s just grinding with extra steps.

“Oh boy, my human is brushing me again. This must mean he truly cares about, oh wait, he’s just trying to unlock the ability to drift on horseback.”

And don’t even get me started on how many players will save the game just to see what happens when they ride you off a cliff. Your entire existence is basically a series of quick saves and horse revivers.

Everyone and Everything Is Trying to Kill You

If being emotionally disposable wasn’t bad enough, the entire state of New Hanover might as well be called “Horse Mortality: The Experience.”

Let’s count the ways you can die as a horse in RDR2. You can be:

Shot in a gunfight you didn’t start
Trampled by other horses
Mauled by cougars, wolves, or bears
Run over by a train
Drowned in what appears to be six inches of water
Ridden off a cliff by a player who was “just testing physics”
Exhausted to death because your owner forgot horses need to rest
Spontaneously yeeting yourself off a tiny rock that apparently registered as the Grand Canyon to the game’s physics engine

The environment itself seems designed specifically to murder you. There’s not a tree, rock, or slight change in elevation that won’t send you and your rider flying. And then who gets blamed? Not the player’s terrible steering or decision to gallop full speed through a dense forest. Nope, it’s always “stupid horse” this and “glitchy controls” that.

Plus, you’re constantly being shot at because your human can’t seem to go five minutes without antagonizing the entire O’Driscoll gang. You didn’t sign up for this! You’re just a horse! You should be munching grass and doing whatever the horse equivalent of Netflix and chill is.

You’re Overworked and Underappreciated

Let’s talk about work-life balance, which for a Red Dead 2 horse is basically non existent. Your entire existence is spent being Arthur Morgan’s personal U-Haul delivery service with legs.

The average player will make you:

Carry three entire deer carcasses at once
Sprint for miles without rest
Navigate treacherous mountain paths in the dark
Stand perfectly still in the middle of a shootout
Somehow remain calm when there’s literally a dead cougar strapped to your back

“Sure, just strap another 200 pound animal carcass to my back. It’s fine. I didn’t need those vertebrae anyway.”

And while we’re at it, the stamina system is completely unfair. Your human can chug miracle tonics and instantly recover, but you? You get ridden until you’re gasping for breath, and your only hope is that your owner remembers horse stimulant exists or decides to let you rest for five seconds.

The true insult? After being a literal pack mule, your reward is… a sugar cube. Maybe an oatcake if you’re lucky. Meanwhile, Arthur’s at camp eating Pearson’s stew and complaining about how tough HIS day was.

Your Living Conditions Are Terrible

Let’s discuss the horse living conditions in Red Dead 2, which can be summarized as “wherever your human abandoned you last.”

While Arthur gets to sleep in hotels, camp in tents, or at least under some kind of shelter, where do you sleep? Wherever you were hitched, that’s where. Blizzard in Ambarino? Better get comfortable standing in that snowdrift for the next eight hours while your human plays poker and gets drunk at the saloon.

“Sure, I’ll just wait outside in this literal lightning storm while you finish your fifth game of blackjack. No worries.”

And speaking of being abandoned, how many times has your owner whistled for you, only to immediately whistle for you to “flee” the moment you arrive? The emotional whiplash alone would drive any horse to therapy.

Then there’s the whole stable situation. You might get lucky and be the “main horse,” but chances are you’re one of the extras that spends 99% of game time staring at a stable wall. Just sitting there, rendered in excruciating detail with your shrinking testicles, waiting for a player who will probably never come back for you because they found a slightly faster horse.

Your Relationship is Built on Lies

We’ve covered the physical hardships, but what about the psychological trauma? Being a horse in Red Dead means living in a constant state of gaslighting.

One minute your human is patting your neck saying, “You’re alright, boah,” and the next they’re spurring you to jump off a cliff because they saw a collectible card glinting in the distance.

“Don’t worry, girl, you’re okay… NOW CHARGE DIRECTLY AT THAT GANG OF ARMED OUTLAWS!”

Let’s not forget the mixed signals of horse breaking. You’re minding your business in the wild, then some cowboy lassos you, jumps on your back, and violently breaks your spirit. Then five minutes later, they’re feeding you peppermints and telling you you’re a “good girl.” That’s not a healthy relationship dynamic!

And the naming. Oh god, the naming. You think being called “Roach” in The Witcher was bad? I’ve seen players name their majestic Arabian “Glue Factory” or “Horse #4.” The psychological damage alone would send any self-respecting stallion straight to the therapist’s couch.

Conclusion: An Equine Tragedy

So there you have it, the nightmare existence of being a horse in Red Dead Redemption 2. You’re overworked, underappreciated, constantly in danger, emotionally manipulated, and ultimately replaceable.

And yet… there’s something poetic about it all. In a game that’s largely about the end of an era, about obsolescence and being replaced by progress, maybe the horse’s experience is the true heart of Red Dead’s story.

In the end, just like Arthur and the cowboys of the Old West, the horses too are living on borrowed time, giving their all for a world that will eventually move on without them.

But until that day comes, they’ll continue to faithfully carry us through one of gaming’s most beautiful and detailed worlds, even if we don’t deserve them.